Ask Curtis: Transition to Assisted Living Facility

Dear Readers:

I often get mail asking what is the best way to help a loved one transition to an Assisted Living Facility, so I have compiled some simple ways to help your loved one adjust.

1. Have them bring their own furniture and other items that are familiar to them. Let them decorate their space and make it their own, surrounding them with things they already know and love. Have lots of pictures and memorabilia they are comfortable with and can relate to.

2. Expect your loved one to be agitated for several weeks. They may also exhibit confusion, anger and even grief. Do NOT beat yourself up about this – it is a natural transition and is temporary. You are doing what is in their best interest overall, even if it is difficult in the beginning.

3. DON’T avoid visiting for the first few weeks thinking this will help in their transition, rather plan brief 10-15 minute visits. This will be long enough for you to know if they are being well cared for and also give them the reassurance they need – anything longer will only cause agitation. Be sure to call in advance to see what kind of day they are having. If they are agitated and having a bad day and you feel you can’t face it without becoming upset, then don’t go – wait until another day.

4. If your loved one asks you to take them home, DON’T try to explain. Look at your watch and say, “I have to go now.” It will break your heart, but will minimize the behavior after a few times. Many patients start the “take me home” stuff after a 30 minute visit when they get tired. Take it as an indication that it is time to go.

5. Always plan something to do during your visitation. It can be as simple as doing their nails, having a snack, or even listening to a new piece of music; however once you are done, it is time to go. Have the staff divert your loved one to an activity such as a meal while you leave.

6. Talk to the staff to see how things are going and what you can do to improve care throughout the adjustment. Communication is key. Understand that the facility and staff have no magic wand for dealing with behavior problems. If it was difficult to manage your loved one at home, it will be worse in the new facility — especially with other people who are also demented.

7. Lastly, do not let the adjustment period dissuade you from the placement. It most likely will work out with good communication with the staff, consistency and lots of love!

If you have questions or suggestions for Curtis, email him at: curtis@ashtonseniorliving.com